i don’t know what living a balanced life feels like
when i am sad
i don’t cry, i pour
when i am happy
i don’t smile, i glow
when i am angry
i don’t yell, i burn
the good thing about feeling in extremes is
when i love i give them wings
but perhaps that isn’t
such a good thing cause
they always tend to leave
and you should see me
when my heart is broken
i don’t grieve
– Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey
Why did you tell me that you loved me, and walk away when i needed your love the most?
Because if I didnt tell you that I loved you, you wouldn’t be there when I needed you the most.
What about the time you told me that you loved my eyes?
The innocence in your eyes seduced me to speak. I was no longer able to tame the devil within me.
What about the time you told me that my voice was the most soothing to your soul?
Your voice was the calming white noise to my miserable black soul, and my misery craved your company.
What about the time you told me that you loved being around me and that it made you feel like you’ve never felt before?
You made me feel special and never judged me for the disaster that I was. You validated my existence.
What do I do now? I’m desperately in love with you and you don’t even care.
I can’t give you my heart when it disassembled like this. Just like the life took care of me, life will take care of you.
(Najwa Zebian & Spoken Silence)
*Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism. And if talking generally and not medically, the highest level of selfishness one can exercise, to an extent where the cost and benefit rule applies only to the narcissist, getting what they need, using it to their benefit and throwing it away when no longer needed goes to the extent as far as bargaining ones heart to awake in love and when it fully blooms you leave them there hanging in the middle of no where.
nobody really knew anything.
people lived, they went here and there about the earth and rode through forests, so much seemed challenge or to promise and so many sights to stir our longing: an evening star, a blue harebell, a lake half-covered in green reeds, the eyes of beasts and human eyes and always it was as though something would happen, something never seen and yet sighed for, as though a veil would be pulled back off the world till the feeling passed and there had been nothing.
Sometimes people think they know you. They know a few facts about you, and they piece you together in a way that makes sense to them. And if you don’t know yourself very well, you might even believe that they are right. But the truth is, that isn’t you. That isn’t you at all.
you must learn her.
you must know the reason why she is silent
you must trace her weakness spots
you must write to her
you must remind her that you are there
you must know how long it takes for her to give up
you must be there to hold her when she is about to
you must love her because many have tried and failed
and she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved
that she is worthy to be kept
and this is how you keep her.