Collections, i read ;

you tell me to quite down cause
my opinion make me less beautiful
but i was not made with a fire in my belly
so i could be put out
i was not made with a lightness on my tongue
so i could be easy to swallow
i was made heavy
half blade and half silk
difficult to forget and not easy
for the mind to follow

  • Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

Your toothbrush is where you left it.

i read ;, Notes For Myself ;, Real me; Real story :)

“I remember being 12 and my mom still placing forks where my dad used to sit even though he was never coming home and she used to place pillows on his side of the bed but nothing can mimic a person’s breathing if that person isn’t coming home especially not cold pillows.
And I was 15 when my best friend fell in love with a boy who already had a girlfriend and she called him every night so he could sneak up to her bedroom and then one day he stopped answering her calls and she kept calling even if all she got was the sickening sounds of his voicemail.
And I’m 17 now and I can feel the difference in your voice when you tell me good night and you stopped kissing me on the forehead and I try to hold my hand like you did but nothing feels the same and I fell in love with you but you stopped answering the phone and coming home for dinner.”

 

  • Your toothbrush is where you left it ; tumblr.

An Interview With A Narcissist

Collections, i read ;

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Why did you tell me that you loved me, and walk away when i needed your love the most?  

Because if I didnt tell you that I loved you, you wouldn’t be there when I needed you the most.

What about the time you told me that you loved my eyes?
The innocence in your eyes seduced me to speak. I was no longer able to tame the devil within me.

What about the time you told me that my voice was the most soothing to your soul?
Your voice was the calming white noise to my miserable black soul, and my misery craved your company.

What about the time you told me that you loved being around me and that it made you feel like you’ve never felt before?
You made me feel special and never judged me for the disaster that I was. You validated my existence.

What do I do now? I’m desperately in love with you and you don’t even care.
I can’t give you my heart when it disassembled like this. Just like the life took care of me, life will take care of you.

(Najwa Zebian & Spoken Silence) 

*Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism. And if talking generally and not medically, the highest level of selfishness one can exercise, to an extent where the cost and benefit rule applies only to the narcissist, getting what they need, using it to their benefit and throwing it away when no longer needed goes to the extent as far as bargaining ones heart to awake in love and when it fully blooms you leave them there hanging in the middle of no where.

Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar

i read ;

The 4 Archetypes:

  • Rat Race –  Suffers now for future benefit
  • Hedonism – Enjoys now and suffer in the future
  • Nihilism – Suffers now and think that the future is meaningless as well.
    (Leaned helplessness – when we fail to attain a desired outcome, we often extrapolate from that experience the belief that we have no control over our lives or over certain parts of  it. Such thinking leads to despair.)
  • Happiness – To expect constant happiness is to set ourselves up for failure and disappointment. Not everything that we do can provide us both present and future benefit. The key is to keep in mind, even as one forgoes some present gain for the sake of a large future again, that the objective is to spend as much time as possible engaged in activities that provide both present and future benefit.

The rat racer’s illusion is that reaching some future destination will bring him lasting happiness; he does not recognize the significance of the journey.

The hedonist’s illusion is that only the journey is important.

The nihilist, having given up on both the destination and the journey, is disillusioned with life.

The rat racer becomes a slave to the future; the hedonist – a slave to the moment; the nihilist – a slave to the past.

Attaining lasting happiness requires that we enjoy the journey on our way towards a destination we deem valuable. Happiness is not about making it to the peak of the mountain nor is it about climbing aimlessly around the mountain; happiness is the experience of climbing towards the peak.

The relationship between happiness and success is reciprocal: not only can success contribute to happiness, but happiness also leads to more success.

Experiencing pleasure is necessary but not sufficient for happiness. Happiness is the overall experience of pleasure and meaning.

When speaking of a meaningful life, we often talk of having a sense of purpose, but what we sometimes fail to recognize is that finding this sense of purpose entails more than simply setting goals.
Having goals or even reaching them does not guarantee that we are leading a purposeful existence. To experience a sense of purpose, the goals we set for ourselves need to be intrinsically meaningful. To live a meaningful life, we must have a self-generated purpose that possesses personal significance rather than one that is dictated by society’s standards and expectations. When we do experience this sense of purpose, we often feel as though we have found our calling. As George Bernard Shaw said, “This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one.”

Being an idealist is being a realist in the deepest sense –  it is being true to our real nature. We are so constituted that we actually need our lives to have meaning. Without a higher purpose, calling, an ideal, we cannot attain our full potential for happiness. While I am not advocating dreaming over doing (both are important), there is a significant truth that many realist – rat racers mostly – ignore: To be idealistic is to be realistic. 

People actually have more flow experiences at work than they do at home. In order to achieve flow experiences. we must put in effort and hard wok and our skill level must meet the challenge of the task. If it is too challenging, we experience anxiety. If it is too easy, we experience boredom.

Our equating work and effort with pain and suffering poses an internal barrier that prevents many people from experiencing happiness at school and in the workplace.

In school or at work, we fail to recognize and realize opportunities for happiness; outside of school and work, we squander our “free” time by freeing it of effort, of challenge, and hence, of much meaning. We are then left with a feeling that happiness is hopelessly elusive.

The fairy tale notion of happiness – the belief that something would carry us to the happily ever after-inevitably leads to disappointment. A happy or happier life is rarely shaped by some extraordinary life-changing event; rather, it is shaped incrementally, experience by experience, moment by moment.

To realize, to make real, life potential for the ultimate currency, we must first accept the “this is it”–that all there is to life is the day-to-day, the ordinary, the details of the mosaic. We are living a happy life when we derive pleasure and meaning while spending time with our love ones, or learning something new, or engaging in a project at work. The more our days are filled with these experiences, the happier we become. This is all there is to it.

breaking the wrong

Collections, i read ;

everyone wants to fall in love.
but i think more people are in love with the theory of love.
if you’re looking in from the outside,
it’s look so beautiful.

on the inside,
it’s scary because it can take over your life.
it’s the strongest emotion but also the darkest.
it can put you on a high for days,
but it can wrap an anchor around your feet
and down you in less than a minute.

— Calia Read