Notes For Myself ;, Real me; Real story :)

it’s the good kind of pain
it’s the pain you feel when you wake up at 3am
thinking about their voice and their twinkling laughter
it’s the pain you feel when you’re lying in bed
wanting them to play with your hair, your arms and legs aching to wrap around them
it’s the pain you feel in your head because you know you shouldn’t love them
but it’s the good kind of pain that you don’t want to let go
they’re worth hurting over

Love is not magic.

Notes For Myself ;, Real me; Real story :)

Love isn’t all butterflies and magic. It compromises, it’s arguments, full of ugly words and whispers. Love isn’t this huge beam of light that shines down on a couple for eternity. It is complicated and messy and takes a huge amount of work.

Love isn’t going to erase your insecurities. Love isn’t going to take away your depression or anxiety. Love isn’t going to erase your sadness or your problems with work and money and other relationships. We would like to believe it has the power to do this. We would love to believe it. But it’s not the real and honest truth.

Yes, love is something. But love is not everything.

If you start to see darkness overshadowing the light in your relationship, try not to panic. Don’t run right away. Don’t throw in the cards and give up. Ride the wave. Argue, scream and fight through it. Swim in it, not matter how strong the current gets. Only then is it going to be worth saving. Because you have to go through the bad stuff, to get to the good parts.

Love isn’t linear. It’s not something that will always grow upwards.
You have got to get to the difficult conversations. The one that makes you cry and hurt. The ones that make your partner hurt. You’ve got to see them for who they truly are, flaws and all. And they have to know the dark parts of you. The ones you never wanted them to see. You have got to have those heartbreaking arguments and go through hell and back.

Only then, will you be able to see if it is the kind of love that is true>
Only then, will you be able to see if it is the kind of love that you want to keep?
Only then, will you be able to see if this is the kind of love that you don’t want to ever give up on.

Love is a battlefield. It’s not supposed to always be heavenly. You’ve got to work for it. You;ve got to fight like hell for it.

Only then, will you know that yes, love is worth it? It’s worth all the hardships and the sacrifices. Love isn’t magic, but when you get it right and when you work hard enough on it. It’s pretty close to it.

Notes For Myself ;, Real me; Real story :)

Let me tell you this, if some days you wake up feeling empty and you don’t know why, that’s okay. I don’t know how exactly to fix that because it happens to me too, maybe it happens to everybody.
But can you please ride it out? Because I promise you, I PROMISE you, it will not hang around forever. Nothing does. And you will go to bed one night soon and rise with the sun and suddenly you’ll remember all the millions of little things that make you happy, all the millions of things you’re dying to do and you’ll be so fucking glad you’re here, you’ll be so fucking grateful for this life.
I promise you. I know it’s hard sometimes but it’s worth it.

Learn To Love Yourself

Notes For Myself ;, Real me; Real story :)
  1. See the good in your past.
    There will always be things that we wish had never happened; there will always be bad memories and things that we regret. But they are part of who you are – so accept that they have happened and celebrate the person they’ve allowed you to become.
  2. Invest time in the things that bring you happiness.
    It is important to identify the things that you enjoy, and that make you come alive and are all part of “you”. Spending time on those things will help to raise your self-esteem, as you are valuing yourself when you pursue happiness. It is also detached you from anything or anyone that is making you feel bad about yourself or causing you unhappiness – this maybe a toxic friend to a job that you are just not loving.
  3. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
    We all make mistakes, we are only human – and when we think of them we cringe. But that doesn’t make you any worse than other people. Try and learn what you can, and then move on with your life. We are not defined by our mistakes and you should not let them obstacles.
  4. Stop criticising yourself.
    So often we’re really our own worst enemy. We look for our flaws, and we put ourselves down, and it’s difficult to stop the annoying voice in our heads. It’s time to change that behaviour. Try to glorify all your traits and physical characteristic –  Stop putting yourself down.
  5. Do what makes you feel good about yourself.
    If putting on makeup gives you confidence, then go for it. If jogging 3km a day makes you feel so great about your body, don’t let anything stop you from doing it so. If brushing your hair and moisturising makes you feel amazing, I hope you do that every day. These are the stepping stones to loving yourself.
  6. Appreciate your life !
    Of course, there are things that you wish that you could change. But some things are good and are worth appreciating. So, focus on, appreciate, and make lots of your strengths.  

I hope you find healing

Notes For Myself ;, Real me; Real story :)

I don’t know exactly where you are right now. Maybe in a bedroom, staring at your reflection in a cloudy mirror. Maybe on a bus, watching cars drift past a darkened window. Maybe in the arms of someone who makes you happy.
I don’t know where your body rests, how you’re feeling, or what you need.

All I hope is that tonight brings you healing.

I hope the day softens as it comes to a close. I hope the sunset makes you feel calm and warm. I hope that no matter what has hurt you in the last hours, last days, last weeks you take a deep breath and exhale it out into the night sky.

I hope you know that someone loves you, that someone believes in your strength.

I know that this life is hard sometimes. I know there are moments when you don’t know what you want or when you give your all come up short or when you can’t find the strength to move forward and you feel as if you’ll be stuck in one place forever. You won’t.

I truly hope you find healing.
I hope you find your healing in a lover’s touch or a hug from a loved one. I hope you find healing in a stranger’s smile or a cup of coffee with just the right amount of cream and sugar. I hope you find healing in an unexpected laugh or a tiny miracle.

I hope you find healing where you least expect, and I hope it makes you feel whole again.

If you were to leave.

Notes For Myself ;, Real me; Real story :)

If you were to leave, don’t try to be gentle about it. Don’t pity me. Don’t treat me like a charity case. Don’t look so tortured like you are the one hurting. Don’t act as though you are doing me a favor.
There’s nothing good about this.

If you were to leave. Don’t try to be my friend. Don’t try to downplay our ending. Don’t try to make light of my pain. Don’t try to taint my impression of you. Don’t try to ruin everything we had.
How can I befriend when every beat of my heart yearn for you?

If you were to leave, don’t ever come back. Because when it comes to you, I don’t know how to give up. I cannot and will not give up. Especially if I think there is a glimmer of hope for us. A glimpse of us together. A shot in the darkness that it could be good this time, right this time.

So, if you were to leave, do it as honest as you can. Don’t sugarcoat your words. Don’t bother trying to ease me into a life without you. Don’t tell me you’re helping me to get used to a life devoid of you. Don’t apologize how you wish things were different when all you want is to be freed from me.

And don’t think I cannot do without you.
Because it may time, but I will rise again. I will continue to flourish. Like the wild spirit I am, I will love again. I will.